Madonna is Yuckies. That is all.

Madonna Set on Not Giving a Shit Concerning Recent Divorce

According to some unnamed source that People.com utilizes, "It's a sad situation, but she's not heartbroken... She's handling it well." Yes, usually sex with men other than your (ex) husband does translate into "handling it well".

Madonna, of course, can attribute much of her fame and success to her scandalous whoring. Sex videos, sex books, sex with animals, sex with celebrities, sex with celebrity animals (We hear Foghorn Leghorn is a real COCK. Not funny? Yeah, you're probably right - not funny.)... you name it - Madonna's got the t-shirt.

It comes with XL loose-fitting sleeves for her big muscilicious yoga arms to fit into! (May I just add.... most horrifying photo shop I've ever done. Ever.)

People goes on to report,

Also helping her through the tough time is her ex-husband. The singer and [Sean] Penn were spotted having drinks at the Greenwich Hotel in Manhattan on Wednesday night. "They have a nice rapport," says the source. "There's nothing romantic there."

"Nothing romantic" because having sex with Madonna is not romantic. Having sex with Madonna is paid, forced, or disturbing. Just ask that monkey. Di-stur-bing. And anyway, no one wants to have sex with Sean Penn anymore either. No one likes old people sex; no one except fans of the movie The Notebook.

Get over yourself, Nicholas Sparks, you sick, old-person loving bastard.

Eventually, the joke will be on Madonna, however. While Ritchie was wedded to the ancient succubus and sex addict, he reportedly discovered her Mystical Blood Crystal of Aljesuousbursmos hidden deep, deep beneath her granny panty drawer (which is guarded by the giant, fantastical three-headed dog, Fluffy, from Harry Potter - it pays to be rich).

This life-giving relic has kept Madonna active, fit, making out with pop icons, and producing records for the last 100 or so years - and now it belongs to Ritchie. Due to this trade-off (and possibly the only explanation as to why Ritchie did not ask for more of Madonna's $$$ in the divorce settlement), it is prophesied that Madonna shall die in the year 2012 of a massive heart attack (during sex with monkeys... And so it shall pass.), while Guy is now set to make Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Laser Guns; de-virginize Miley Cyrus (who's into old guys anyway. Am I right, or am I right?); and get just as notoriously old person ripped as his gap-toothed predecessor. Let the games begin!!