Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

Everyone's got stars in their eyes these days - even legitimate and world-renowned news organizations.

Of course, the hot topic today is the Mumbai, India attacks. You can find extensive audio, video, and written coverage on every major news site right now. CNN still manages to keep things in perspective, however, by discussing the most important aspects of the chaotic tragedy - the celebrity perspective.

Sandwiched right between links for articles discussing "Who is to blame for Mumbai attacks?" and "Witness: Gunfire 'sounded like firecrackers'" is this article: "Ex-wife of pop icon Prince flees from India gunfire" - granting the article slightly less importance than the "Who dun' it?", and more significance than the eyewitness account made by (as they refer to us in Hollywood) your typical 'normie'.

The "ex-wife of Prince" recounts,

"We left everything behind, including purses and phones," said Testolini, the ex-wife of music icon Prince and founder of In A Perfect World children's foundation. "There was a lot of panic."

So much panic that they were unable to tote their humongous Louis Vuitton bags and limited edition Fendi clutches. Who cares, right? We'll just buy another one!!

"Testolini [the woman formerly known as the wife of Prince] said she and 200 others waited in the dark ballroom for several hours..."

Celebrities, even minute ones, only hide out in style. Not in caves and under boxes or furniture like us, but in ballrooms. If you're gonna hide out, do it right.

"Testolini and her colleagues eventually found shelter in an undisclosed location, where they are keeping up with the news on their BlackBerrys, waiting for signs that it's safe to move."

Talk about plug of the century! BlackBerry must have paid at least 2 mill for it. I've got the new commercial all worked out... A frightened Mary Kate and Ashley in head-to-toe couture, hiding out in a stylishly gray ballroom underneath a designer dining chair, constantly and dramatically turning to their BlackBerrys for news that eventually leads to safety. BlackBerry - saves lives. Lives that matter. Like those of famous, good-looking people.

So thank you, CNN, for proving to us that in our celebrity-obsessed culture, even the slightly famous (by way of marriage - a dissolved marriage - and not even to a good celebrity, but one that has been made obscure and obsolete by time) is more important than the not-at-all famous. And also that BlackBerrys provide the path to salvation in any given situation.

Take that, iPhone.