And John McCain is This Year's Miss Congenialty!

McCain responds, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gaaaay (Which is, of course, evil, immoral, recently illegal (thanks to voters like you!), and an abomination in the eyes of the Lord)."

Trust Mr. McCain to ruin a perfectly good musical number. Did you hear that McCain?! I said you're BOOOORING!

It seems as though President-elect Obama is handing out Runner-Up positions this week. "Thank you for playing, sorry I had to beat you - no hard feelings; how does Secretary of State sound?"

News organizations and politicos have all been abuzz the past week over the P.E.'s potential picks for his national security team, etceteras, etceteras. Allegedly, Hillary Clinton is a shoe-in for Secretary of State (that is, of course, if that nasty rascal Bill doesn't ruin it for her... and his little library fund too...). Other names revealed, as per drawn from a big, George Washington-style hat, for his economic team?

Heading his economic team are expected to be Timothy Geithner as Treasury secretary and Lawrence Summers as head of the National Economic Council. Obama apparently also has settled on New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson as his commerce secretary.

I love that NPR chooses the words "...apparently also has settled on... Bill Richardson". Insinuating both shock and vague disappointment; but I, for one, am happy about the pick. I loved former presidential candidate Bill Richardson throughout the campaigning, if, for nothing else, simply how incredibly sincere and kind he seems. He reminds me of a puppy. A Latino puppy... and in my eyes, that's all the expertise he needs.

John Edwards, for one, won't be seeing any action this term. Adulterers don't get to play the game! Those is the rules.

And now it's time for...

Dow Jones Admits "Pressure too great", Turns to Life of Cocaine Abuse

Dow Jones comes out to tell the world "Enough is enough" and that "[I've] been struggling with the ups and downs of the market... I just haven't been able to overcome the lack of faith and support, along with all the negativity and disappointment. It's been a constant downward spiral... I've just got to numb myself out, you know what I mean? I just gotta numb myself the [expletive] out. I feel myself crashing."

Those close to Jones have been suspicious for months. "He wasn't showing up at work half of the time. I mean... 400 points in one day? He was dropping straight to the floor. We haven't seen this kind of irresponsible trend in years. We thought we had it all together, thought we had it made on the market... We were all taking unnecessary risks... it's a kind of high in itself."

As loved ones attempt an intervention (which has been somewhat successful - Jones closed at a nearly 500 point increase Friday, November 20th) Jones joins the ranks of many a celebrity coke-head: Robert Downy Jr., Courtney Love, Lindsay Lohan, (Soon-to-be) Former President George W. Bush, Yogi Bear, and so on, and so on.

"The issues with CitiBank and GM.... if someone doesn't help out soon, I just don't know... Maybe he just needs to learn his lesson. Maybe we all need to learn a lesson."

No word yet on who will be taking responsibility for Nasdaq. Until the economy turns around, and Jones overcomes his many problems, it appears that the youth is doomed to be left unmonitored in a cold, harsh, unstable and unpredictable market - a recipe for disaster - not to mention - child predators.

Be you frightened, child?

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