Where Are They Now?

Ever wondered what happened to certain actors from Hollywood past? Yeah, you do. Let's take a quick look at who they were, where they are now, and what it took for them to get there. Join me on this mystical path full of slander, and lies; damned lies.

First up: Toby from everybody's favorite 80s fantasy flick, Labyrinth. Also starring the magnificently diva-ed out David Bowie and a very young Jennifer Connelly.

Toby has grown all up, gained some baby fat, and failed to grow any additional amount of hair on his head.
That's right! It's Phillip Seymour Hoffman, everybody!! Hasn't changed much, huh? Somebody get this man a pair of red and white striped footy pajamas, so he can relive his glorious baby past.


Next up: A more recent actor. This (female) actor is always finding new ways to prove her wide range of talents. Not only is she good at vomiting up meals, sporting corsets, pouting her lips, spouting Jane Austen prose through her severe under bite, swashbuckling... you get the picture...

...Keira Knightley, of course!.. is also, apparently, successful at portraying vampire characters. Knightley wanted to display a totally new persona for her newest film, Twilight, in which she portrays the well-known lead vampire character, Edward Cullen.

Though she dons a phony name, Robert Pattison, you can't bullshit a bullshitter. I could spot that malnourished frame, clenched jaw, and rosily flushed cheek anywhere. Way to transform yourself for the role - that shows dedication. Let's get this girl an Oscar.

(Other rumors claim that the so-called "Rob Pattison" could also be the well known Geico Gecko post cosmetic surgery, due to his lanky appearance, sallow features, and scaly skin. But Vomit has failed to uncover any substantial supporting evidence. We're only interested in facts here; we'll let you be the final judge.)

And one more: This is an actor I've both blogged and polled about on previous occasions. His eyeliner fetish is what I speculate to be the cause of his fame, and he's got a very special relationship (they boing) with Tim Burton. Why else would they do so many movies together? Obsession is a powerful thing.


This is where Mr. Depp is now, of course; we're doing it backwards with Johnny (just the way he likes it). Where he came from, though is a different story. Anyone remember a little film called "The Anthropophagus Beast"? There probably aren't many of you who would. What is it then?: A semi-successful 1980 Italian horror film.

The plot, as described by Wikipedia:

"A group of tourists arrive on a small Greek island, only to find it almost completely deserted. It seems that the only person still alive there is a blind girl who does not know what has happened to the rest of the town, but is terrified of a man who she describes as smelling of blood.

As members of the group disappear or are murdered by a mysterious man, the survivors search for clues as to what is going on. They find a diary, which tells the story of a man who was shipwrecked with his wife and child. In order to survive, the man was forced to eat his dead family. This act drove him insane and he went on to slaughter the rest of the island's inhabitants.

In the film's most notorious scene, the killer strangles a pregnant woman while pulling the fetus from her womb and then devouring it (in reality the fetus was a skinned rabbit covered with fake blood).. The effect proved so convincing that the filmmakers were attacked and questioned as to whether they really extracted a human fetus from its mother's womb. In the end, the killer is dispatched by means of a pick axe to the stomach, but before he dies he attempts to devour himself, chewing violently on his own intestines before finally dying."

There were many rumors that the film used actual human corpses. And this is where Johnny Depp comes in - he was, indeed, one of those famed dead bodies. Literally, he was dead, and they used his lifeless body as a prop. That was the start of Johnny's long, prosperous, and dark-tinged acting career, as well as his resurrected after-life. Forget Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - The Anthropophagus Beast is the true origin of it all. It's said that the director was so impressed with Johnny's acting abilities, even after death, that he had the voodoo lady from Weekend at Bernie's II bring him back to life. And now here we are. It's no wonder Tim Burton loves him so much.

That's all for now! See ya later, everybody!